chemo tomorrow

Don't know exactly what I'm thinking right now other than I should be asleep, took the X, took the sleeper, had a glass of wine, yet inevitably the night before chemo, I can't sleep. That's tonight. I'm not thinking anything drastic, not afraid, at least not that I can detect, not spooked out, anxious yes. I guess that's what I feel if I really pick it apart. Anxious. It's not an easy feeling to explain. I'm not conscious of anything, but there's an undertow, something that makes me feel awake, not relaxed, un-calm, anxious. I wish I could pick it apart, then I could act on it. Perhaps I'll do some guided meditation after I write, Beliefnet, they have some good ones.... then maybe I'll be ready to sleep. 5:30 AM comes awfully quickly, especially when you're not sleeping too much. And to think I was yawning at 3 this afternoon and 4 and 6 PM. Crazy I suppose.
I was talking to my friend Elle at work today. She has 3 more chemo treatments to go.... then I think she's done. But she's in a clinical trial and if she's getting avastin, she may be part of a continued study till Oct. But.... she has radiation treatments to deal with next. I think she's amazing...... always at work.... hands like an alligator at the moment, side effect from the toxic stuff..... she's tired.... it's like looking in a mirror and seeing another face.... we go through so much of the same stuff.
Well. I think I'll read the other blogs on the site now........ hope you all are sleeping well.
Peace