The road is long and hard.

Have a friend. Just completed the following for treatment of aggressive breast cancer:
1) surgical removal of mass and lymph nodes
2) chemotherapy in 3 stages
3) radiation therapy over 6 weeks

and what do you get for your hard work you say??

A questionable lump on the surgical site which is most likely "scar tissue", however, does not give you the optimism you have been craving.

For me, this is not a problem. If I had a hang nail, I'd be asking for scans etc. I will not likely see remission or cancer free status, but I would like to know nothing is getting any worse.

But for my pal; I was really hoping for a more significant positive result from all her hard work and effort.

This disease sucks the life out of you, not only with the destruction of your physical nature from the disease it's self, not from the chemo and radiation used to destroy the cancer, but the psychological damage and destruction it leaves in it's path.

It's next to impossible to stay positive and focused on your healing. I'm in a hiding phase right now. I don't want celebrations, get togethers, fun, work.......I feel I'm struggling with depression a bit more than usual. ( Oh - Shit, just when I was thinking of getting off the antidepressants. My timing is so perfect.)

It's yet another spring, another meaningless time to "get together" to be happy and cheerful and dote on those around you.

All I see lately is the quick passage of time... another round of treatments, more smiles on my face without the oomph behind them to make them real. More nurses caring for the nurse. More doctors caring for the nurse, it just goes on and on doesn't it?

I suppose I'm just not in such a good humor lately.