So, at the end of May or beginning of June, after I had had my scans and markers repeated, the scans basically showed a "stable cancer" whatever that means, and a slight increase in my markers. Startlingly, my oncologist gave me a month off of chemo!! I was shocked. It's been 2 years on chemo and she felt I needed a break, rather, my body needed a break. So, at the end of June, I go for my check up and I get another month off, WOW. The drew blood and flushed the cute little bump in my chest otherwise known as my PORT, and sent me on my way.
At this point, I'm still exhausted, bones, joints, muscles still hurt quite a bit, but it can be managed. I contacted my friend Sue, she was off chemo on a vacation last year for 6 months. I wanted to know what to expect. She told me I might start feeling human again after about 3 months. She said she loved the next 3 months after that and lived like her old self. She's back on chemo now, but she said she loved the land of remission and being off chemo. God Bless Sue. She has been such a Godsend to me.
There were 3 really nice women I met at Gilda's and Sue was one, Audrey was another and Alice was the third. Audrey had been on chemo for a very long time, she was permanently disabled and was on all sorts of medications. She was a love, sweet and kind, very smart in the world and works of a cancer patient. She passed away last month. Awful..... such a tender and loving woman. Then there was Sue, very very smart Nurse Midwife. She was not working when I met her, also on permanent disability, but she decided to do a little bit of work in a women's center while I was still at Gilda's regularly. Sue continues to be in my admiration. Smiles, laughs, cries, teaches. I really love her for all she has done to help me understand this disease process although ours are very different types of cancer. Alice is the third. Quiet, timid, but very curious about what could be done for her and her very rare cancer. She would be given options but then couldn't decide whether to do them or not. She's still hanging in the last I heard.
I think one of the most powerful things I've learned lately is the impermanence of things including peoples lives. Of course every cancer patient thinks about death. It happens almost every day...... but you try to keep your eyes fastened to the horizon..... that you'll see another sunrise or sunset today.
Peace. Jeanne
Thursday, July 9, 2009
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